omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
