I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
