wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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