Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
