I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
