??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
