i would punch a child for taco bell
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
