So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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