so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
