Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
