just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This house was built for laser tag.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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