how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
