oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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