Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
