dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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