After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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