i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
