idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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