On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
