I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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