Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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