The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
