Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize