She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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