My sheets look like a crime scene.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize