So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
