my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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