Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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