guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
