She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
