I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
