please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he puts the penis in happiness.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
