saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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