i think my mom watched the whole time
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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