I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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