Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize