They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
