Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
