I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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