everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
