So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
