you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
