Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize