Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
