last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
