wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
