there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
