the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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