Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
