I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
