dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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