Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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