When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
