Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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