How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize