I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
