Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The uberlube is also flammable
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He did a backflip because drugs
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