My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
