There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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