Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
