I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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