I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
