i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
