Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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