i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
