dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
