Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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