Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
