you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
