This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
