To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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