shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
