i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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