I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
