Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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