So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
