Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
