Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
