Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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