I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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