There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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