dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
