WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
