shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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