I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize