More tranny stories later!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
