see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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