I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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