There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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