Hey man sorry I got all grabby
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize