to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
