with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
