It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
