toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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