well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
