i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
