Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
