Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
