Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
