Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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