margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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