can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
