I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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