If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
