dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need moral support for this bender
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
