I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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