I must be too annoying 4 u.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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