i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
