yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
