Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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